You're A Good Man, Charles zi Brown
by Roxius
Summary: Charles zi Britannia once again tries his hand at writing fanfiction, with disasterous results. Please R & R!


Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

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* * *

_When in the wild, a Lelouch is prone to make many decisions that could change the fate of mankind as we know it. Let us observe a wild Lelouch in its natural habitat..._

_Lelouch meets Viletta Nu for the first time..._

Scratching his chin, Lelouch looked the older woman over a few times. "...So, are you supposed to be black or something?"

"No..." Viletta replied.

"Can I make a black joke about you, then?" Lelouch asked.

"..."

"You like rap, don't you?"

A minute later...

Lelouch has now lost one testicle!!!

* * *

_Lelouch meets Kallen Kozuki for the first time..._

"So...you're actually Japanese, huh?" Lelouch asked her, scratching his chin.

Kallen nodded. "Yeah...and?"

"You like pocky, I'm sure!"

"What?! Actually, I hate pocky-"

"You must also be a yaoi fangirl, then, huh?"

A minute later...

Suzaku has now lost both testicles!!!...WAIT, WHAT?!

"HA HA! I ALWAYS CARRY SUZAKU AROUND JUST IN CASE I NEED TO DEFEND MYSELF!!!" Lelouch boasted as he ran off into the sunset.

"RIGHT ABOUT NOW...THE FUNK SOUL BROTHER!!!"

* * *

_Lelouch meets C.C. for the first time..._

"...Green hair..." Lelouch muttered.

"Yup!" C.C. replied cheerfully.

Lelouch thought for a moment. "I think those villagers back in your past tried to burn you because you had FUCKIN' GREEN HAIR IN THE FUCKIN' MIDDLE AGES...but that's just a thought..."

A minute later...

Lelouch had downloaded several porn videos onto Youtube using Orange-kun's account.

* * *

_Lelouch meets Anya and Jeremiah for the first time..._

"So...a suave pedophile and a homocidal lolita, huh? Cool combo, bro!" Lelouch exclaimed, giving two thumbs-up.

A minute later...

he returned home with a face full of bullet holes.

* * *

_Lelouch meets his mother and father for the first time...after a long while..._

"Mom's soul and Dad...I hope you two don't mind that I blow you guys to pieces later, okay, even though you're my last surviving family after I had killed all the others off for reasons that made absolutely no sense, because I have no morals and I am selfish bastard..."

..."YOU LOST ME THERE WITH YOUR HIP LINGO, SON!!!"

* * *

_Lelouch meets Milly, Shirley and Rivalz all at the same time..._

Rivalz glanced down and noticed an odd, abnormally huge bulge in Lelouch's pants. "...WTF?"

"Oh...uh...that's called a penis, good sir..." Lelouch replied sheepishly.

"NO ONE CAN HAVE THAT MUCH WANG IN THEIR DANG, MAN!!! YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY HIDING SOMETHING!!!"

"WHY WERE YOU EVEN LOOKING AT MY CROTCH IN THE FIRST PLACE, YOU HOM-O-SEX-UAL?!"

Suddenly, Alex the cat came bursting out of Lelouch's pants...and now Lelouch had lost his second testicle.

"MUDA MUDA MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDA-" Lelouch coughed violently and collapsed onto the ground.

As they left poor Lelouch lying in a puddle of his own blood, Rivalz exclaimed, "HEY, GALS, HOW ABOUT A THREESOME?!!"

Milly and Shirley were both game for it, and followed Rivalz to his room.

Soon, Lelouch's body sunk into the floor, and he was never seen again...

* * *

V.V. grabbed Charles zi Britannia by the shirt and smacked him across the face. "THIS FIC IS EVEN WORSE!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, MAN?!"

"I'M SORRY!!! I'M SORRY!!!!" Charles bawled, weeping into his large man-hands.

"IF YOU WEREN'T MY GAY LOVER, I'D BREAK YOUR FUCKIN' NECK!!!" V.V. snarled, and then he lightly kissed Charles on the forehead, and walked off to get some coffee.

"I kissed a girl and I liked it...what a fuckin' retarded song..." V.V. muttered as he entered the kitchen, his right eye twitching violently, "For one thing, it's just some dumb bitch kissing another dumb bitch while she already HAS a boyfriend...I mean, da fuck is up with that? They might as well just replaced 'boyfriend' and put 'parents' or something...then it'd be 100 percent lesbian! But noooo, they went and ruined my hopes and dreams for possibly having the public be more friendly and respectful towards us gays, but it's still treated as some fuckin' erotic porn topic these days!!!"

"...Do you really need to go on all these weird little rants of yours every time you get pissed off?" Charles asked him.

"SHUT UP, MOTHER...FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!"


End file.
